COMPETITIVE CHEER THIS MORNzzzzzzzzz

"PatBateman" (PatBateman)
12/05/2015 at 08:38 • Filed to: GOOD MORNING

Been here since 6:45 am. Will be here until 2 pm. Two kids in the competition, different show times. Two cups of coffee before I left the house, I’ll be needing another two shortly. Hardcore cheer parents are all over the place, I already want to tase them.

I watched John Wick last night. If you’re not familiar with one of the first few scenes of the movie, he takes his 1969 Mach 1 Mustang (incorrectly called a Boss 429 in another scene) to an airstrip and just rips donuts and screams to let off some steam.

I want to do that so badly right now (“Call Me Maybe” is playing loudly through the PA system right now, feel my pain).

ETA: now bassing out to Justin Bieber. WELCOME TO FATHERHOOD.

DISCUSSION (36)

OPPOsaurus WRX > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 08:45

That’s cool that your kids are good enough to mend it to finding like that. I’m sure they are excited, yea sound like hell for you. we just got a mini van last night so I’m hurting a bit as well

samssun > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 09:09

“Dear kids, I love you but nowhere near this much. I’m sure you’ll understand.”

PatBateman > OPPOsaurus WRX
12/05/2015 at 09:09

Yeah, the eight year old is pretty good. The four year old generally just wanders the stage and moves her hands around in a cheer-like motion.

A minivan?

Kinja'd!!!

PatBateman > samssun
12/05/2015 at 09:14

You don't even want to know how expensive it is.

Tohru > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 09:15

Competitive cheer creeps me out. When I worked at a hotel with a convention center we had a cheer competition there and the place was full of pre-teens dressed like hookers.

OPPOsaurus WRX > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 09:20

Yes. It was a compromise of you get what you want I get what I want.

PatBateman > Tohru
12/05/2015 at 09:29

In my experience, it’s usually the cheer moms dressing like hookers for out-of-town competitions.

A couple of years ago, we were in San Antonio for a competition, staying at an Embassy Suites. I took my daughters down to the pool and got in with them. Suddenly, about 30 fifteen year olds in bikinis came down and jumped in. 30 high school freshmen/sophomores in tiny bathing suits and me, a thirty something year old man. It was... Awkward.

bob and john > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 09:32

I hate to admit this, but JBs newest stuff...isnt actually that. I was listening to the radio and it came on and I was like:...bullshit, this isnt him.

oh well.

PatBateman > bob and john
12/05/2015 at 09:34

Baby, baby, baby, oooooh, baby baby ooooh, BABY BABY BABY OOOOH BABY BABY BABY OOOOH MY GOD THIS IS THE THIRD TIME IVE HEARD THIS SONG IN THR PAST HOUR ITS SERIOUSLY PLAYING OVER THE PA AGAIN.

bob and john > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 09:35

oh they are playing THAT.

You must have been terribly cruel to puppies in a past life or something to deserve this

PatBateman > bob and john
12/05/2015 at 09:37

Probably has to do with my torturing of baby bunnies last week.

Tohru > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 09:40

They were asking for it.

EL_ULY > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 09:40

The amount of cash someone would have to dish out to get me to wake up early on my first weekend off in 2 months and have me cheer for a non existing football team to the theme of Justin Bieber if insanely vast, it’s almost impossible to count.

I salute all the children in each cheer squad and their commercial grade amout of energy and goal driven mindsets. I’m going back to bed :]

PatBateman > Tohru
12/05/2015 at 09:41

Well, YEAH, that’s what I thought. Apparently, karma thought differently. I heard she’s a bitch anyways, though.

Chariotoflove > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 09:43

I’m writing this from a Starbucks in Richardson while I wait for my daughter’s school band Christmas parade to start. Her first performance. We’ve been here since 7:30 and the parade doesn’t start for another hour. So you win, but I’m at a Starbucks with no Beiber or Carly Rae playing. So, I guess I win there (although I do have to pretend to enjoy the sound of 4th graders attempting to play Christmas carols).

Hang in there, brother. I can’t give you a mustang, but here’s a doughnut.

Kinja'd!!!

Tohru > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 09:43

Our hotel and convention center also had a waterpark. So the lobby was full of 8 to 14 year olds in 2-piece bikinis.

Hotel security had to escort out several suspicious middle-aged men with cameras and no kids at the event.

PatBateman > EL_ULY
12/05/2015 at 09:48

Sleep for those of us that cannot.

PatBateman > Chariotoflove
12/05/2015 at 09:50

Forget your sympathy donut. Give me an iced venti skinny sugar free Carmel latte with an extra shot of espresso and two extra pumps. Please.

No matter what, you win because Starbucks.

EL_ULY > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 09:54

I’ll sleep when i’m dead sir. I gotta get up (already an hour late) and work on a family friend’s Lincoln Navigator all the way in a neighborhood north of I-10 and Normandy on the way east side. Radio inop, heater not working, and front suspension noise.

Chariotoflove > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 09:58

You got it. But you’ll have to think of a way for me to send it through the ether before it gets cold, or else I’ll have to drink it myself.

PatBateman > Tohru
12/05/2015 at 09:58

At one point, I was in the hot tub when three of the girls got in with me. I promptly got out.

And yes, I would beat a guy’s ass if I caught him taking pics of my daughters for jollies later.

Chariotoflove > Tohru
12/05/2015 at 10:06

And what the hell is up with little girls in bikinis? You should have to show a college id or something to be allowed to buy a bikini. My daughter wears suits she can actually swim in.

Chariotoflove > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 10:07

Amen. Security wouldn't find much left by the time they got there

Matt Nichelson > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 10:07

When I read your post, my brain made it read out as you already want to taste them.

I need more coffee. Sounds like you need alcohol though. You win the dad of the day award for sure.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 10:20

I dont want kids

My girlfriend wants 2

I guess we can compromise and have 2

Noah - Now with more boost. > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 10:30

“Hardcore cheer parents” would be a great band name

PatBateman > Matt Nichelson
12/05/2015 at 11:30

TASE. ONE “T”. lol

I’ll take more coffee now (just finished/chugged third cup now, alcohol tonight.

PatBateman > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
12/05/2015 at 11:31

Did you pop that question thing to her yet?

ETA: Disregard, you said this Monday.

PatBateman > Noah - Now with more boost.
12/05/2015 at 11:32

You made me lol randomly in the stands. People are looking at me weird now.

Matt Nichelson > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 11:35

Lol yeah. That was just too funny to not share.

Sounds like a plan. Major props to you. I dunno if I could handle being there for that long.

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 11:51

Just coffee? Might help if it were just little bit stronger...

Frank Grimes > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 13:19

my technique would be this face frozen in smile glasses so i can sleep. earbuds with soothing lute tunes until my kid does the things.

Kinja'd!!!

PatBateman > AMGtech - now with more recalls!
12/05/2015 at 13:48

Mass quantities of coffee, consumed quickly.

PatBateman > Frank Grimes
12/05/2015 at 13:50

Go to a cheer competition. Experience it. Only then will you understand HOW INSANELY LOUD THEY ARE.

There are no listening devices on this earth that can block the noise.

Frank Grimes > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 14:17

hmm I see. well i guess its just the trials of being a parent of a kid who does things.

pip bip - choose Corrour > PatBateman
12/05/2015 at 19:25

try and be like Fernando Alonso.